Sometimes it feels like I’m under some kind of Sisyphean curse, one where I’m doomed to constantly push forward only to end up right where I started, like a hamster spinning its wheel. Whenever one part of my life starts showing some progress, another end starts unraveling at an alarming rate.
The past 6 months have been a blur of anxiety, non-stop work, and a lot of anger. I can’t discuss the matter other than to describe it simply as a family crisis (1. because I suck at talking about my problems & 2. there are legal issues involved). But thankfully things are slowly getting resolved and I’m in the process of finally(!) getting back on track.
I was working on a few side projects just before things got really bad, including the relaunch of my jewelry subscription business (The Little Luxuries Box by Sunset45), a PaperHoard sticker shop, and conceptualizing a hair bow subscription box with my friend Adrianna. All of those side ventures came to a halt, which was difficult to manage, as anyone who has had to shut down an operating business can probably tell you. There were a lot of loose ends to tie up, angry customer emails, angry vendor emails, money issues, etc.. But even more difficult was dealing with my frame of mind. For a while there, it felt like nothing I did would ever work out.
It still feels like that some days. The problems that sparked our family emergency aren’t over yet and while I understand that these things take time, the grind wears on me physically and mentally. Even now it feels like there are just too many pieces to pick up, and I bleakly wonder if I can ever pick up all of the pieces of my former life again.
Nonetheless, there’s nothing for me to do other than to keep going. Either I push on or I give up. Simple as that. The last time our family went through a big crisis, it was because my mom got very sick while we were in the middle of expanding our family business. I learned a lot then, and the most important lesson was in perseverance. Focus on the task at hand, day by day, and gradually things will get better. One day, you’ll look back and realize that the worst is over.
A more cheerful blog post is in the works but I felt that an explanation was needed for my abrupt & extended absence.